I'll cop to using L'Oreal's Vita Lift because my gray hair doesn't remind people of Anderson Cooper so much as it simply makes me look old, and sagging skin doesn't help in selling over-priced sportswear at Macy's. $10 a month isn't a lot to spend on my image.

"American Psycho," one of my favorite books and movie adaptations.

The other morning I found a naked man sleeping in the living room on my way to do my morning routine in the bathroom. I complained to the managing agent and he's gone. Not that I'm opposed to finding naked men in the apartment but, really, not before I'm ready. Once ready, I can go out into the world and kill, like Patrick.

"I simply am not there."