April 27, 2011. At the request of the White House, the State of Hawaii today released the long form birth certificate of Barack Hussein Obama II. And the President held a brief press conference to address the issue.

Hopefully a troubled nation can now rest easy, and direct its attention to two wars, a stagnant economy, the price of gas, unemployment and - you know - other minor challenges that America faces in the early years of the XXIst Century.

Donald Trump takes full credit for this revelation, but wonders what took so long. Meanwhile, Trump has not provided any evidence of his own live birth, nor has he countered persistent rumors that he has trafficked in human flesh and engaged in sexual relations with infants. While these allegations might seem a bit excessive, an anxious country continues to await Trump's proof of innocence.